Heenan's Universal Dictionary
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MAD
Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
[Ambrose
Bierce]
MAFISM
A dietary practice in which mammalian meat
is excluded. [Mafism]
MAGIC
An art of converting superstition into coin.
[Ambrose Bierce]
MAGI-NATION
A nation prepares its
royal Christmas gifts. [Indie]
MAGNETSomething acted upon by magnetism. [Ambrose Bierce]
MAGNETISM
Something acting upon
a magnet.
[Ambrose Bierce]
MAIN-FRAME
Holds up the barn ruf
[Rural]
MALEFACTOR
The chief factor in the progress
of the human race.
[Ambrose Bierce]
MAMMON
The god of the world's leading
religion
[Ambrose Bierce]
MARRIAGE
[1] A community consisting
of two people; a master, a mistress and two slaves
[Ambrose Bierce] .
[2] A book, in which the first chapter is written in
poetry, the remainder in prose.
[Beverly Nichols]
MARTYR
One who moves towards death
along the line of least reluctance.
[Ambrose Bierce]
MASTURBATION
[1] The opposite of the weather.
Nearly everyone does it, but hardly anyone talks about it. [Dr.
Ruth Westheimer]
[2] In the nineteenth century, a disease; in the twentieth,
a cure. [Thomas
Szasz]
MAUSOLEUM
The final and funniest folly of
the rich.
[Ambrose Bierce]
McCARTHYISM
Americanism with its
sleeves rolled.
[McCarthy]
MEDICINE
A noble profession, but a damn
bad business.
[Humphrey Rolleston]
MEEDER
Parking Meter, As in
'Gotnee korders for da' meeder?' [Coal-Speak]
THE MEEK
Those who will inherit the Earth. But not the mineral
rights. [Paul Getty]
MEGAHURTZ
One thousand aches.
[Anon]
MEMORANDUM
A note, not written to inform
the reader, but to protect the writer.
[Dean Acheson]
RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY
When
ya cain't member whut ya paid for yer new rifle when your wife asks.
[Rural]
MEN
The triumph of mind
over morals (see women).
[Oscar Wilde]
MERCHANT
One engaged in a commercial
pursuit. A commercial pursuit is one in which the thing pursued is a dollar.
[Ambrose Bierce]
METAJACKING
Stealing the content
of another site's HTML meta tag hoping to place your site higher in a search engine's
results. [Palo Alto]
METROSEXUAL
A heterosexual man who's in touch with his feminine side; one who weeps during
Sleepless In Seattle. [Anon]
MICROSOFT
Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our
Software Only Fools Teenagers (Details).
[Palo Alto]
MIDDLE AGE
When one begins to exchange emotions for symptoms [Irving S. Cobb]
MILLIHELEN
Sufficient beauty to launch one ship
(see helen).
[Anon]
MILITAINMENT
Political art of making war look painless.
[Dan Rather]
MISFORTUNE
The kind of fortune that never misses.
[Ambrose Bierce]
MODEM
Whatcha did to the hay fields
last fall [Rural]
MONARCHY
The oldest profession in the world.
[Prince Charles]
MONITOR
Keepin an eye on that thar
wood stove [Rural]
MORALITY
A complicated gesture learned from books.
[Robert Bolt]
MORBID
A higher offer
[Rural]
MOREGASM
Sex with a nymphomaniac.
[Anon]
MOUSE POTATO
The on-line version of the Couch Potato.
[Anon]
MULTITASKING
1. The ability
to wait impatiently at the checkout for five minutes then spend five minutes searching
for a credit card (women) [Anon]
2. The ability to watch television, drink beer and scratch (men)
[Anon]
MUGWUMP
In politics one afflicted with self-respect
and addicted to the vice of independence. A term of contempt.
[Ambrose Bierce]
MURMURATION
Collective noun for starlings.
MUSIC
The only sensual pleasure without vice.
[Samuel Johnson]
MYOPICT
A short-sighted Scot.
[Indie]
CYBURBAN MYTH
Stories about the
Net that have little basis in fact.
[Palo Alto]