Heenan's Universal Dictionary

A - B - C - D - E - F - G - H - I - J - K - L - M - N - O - P - Q - R - S - T - U - V - W - XYZ
IDEOLOGUE
Someone who disagrees with the writer on an issue and is insufficiently apologetic about it.   [Anon]

IDIOT
A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling.   [Ambrose Bierce]

IGNORANUS
A person who's both stupid and an asshole.  [Anon]

TERMINAL ILLNESS
Getting sick at the airport   [Rural]

IMAGINATION
A warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint ownership.   [Ambrose Bierce]

IMITATION
1. The sincerest form of flattery.  [Charles Colton]
2. The sincerest form of television. [Fred Allen]

IMPARTIAL
Unable to perceive any personal advantage in adopting either of two conflicting opinions.   [Ambrose Bierce]

IMPOTENT
Distinguished, well known  [Rural]

IMPUNITY
Wealth.   [Ambrose Bierce]

IN'ARDS
The stomach, heart, soul and other bowels.   [Ambrose Bierce]

INCOME
A measure of respectability.   [Ambrose Bierce]

INCOMPATIBILITY
In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination.   [Ambrose Bierce]

INCOMPOOP
One who declares everything to the tax man.   [Indie]

INCOMPOSSIBLE
Two things are incompossible when the world of being has scope enough for one of them, but not enough for both.   [Ambrose Bierce]

TERMINAL INEXACTITUDE
A lie. [Sir Winston Churchill]

INFANCY
The period of our lives when, according to Wordsworth, "Heaven lies about us." The world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.   [Ambrose Bierce]

INFLATION
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.   [Anon]

INFLUENCE
In politics, a visionary quo given in exchange for a substantial quid.   [Ambrose Bierce]

INOCCULATTE
To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.   [Anon]

INSOUPÇIANT
Indifference to the slurps of a neighbour's cream of tomato.   [Indie]

INSURANCE
Death on the instalment plan. [Philip Slater]

INTAXICATION
Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.   [Anon]

INTELLECTUAL
[1] Someone whose mind watches itself.   [Albert Camus]

[2] One who can listen to the William Tell Overature and not think of the Lone Ranger. [Dan Rather]
[3] A man who visits a strip club and watches the audience [anon]

INTERFACE
Face-to-face geek meeting.   [Palo Alto]

INTOXICATION
The feeling of sophistication, with the inability to say it.   [Anon]

INTRAINSIGENT
Rail companies' indifference to complaints.   [Indie]

INVERTIGO
Recognition that when you're not high - you're frightened.  [Anon]

INYERFACE
A breakdown in essential communication.   [Indie]

IRRITAINMENT
Annoyingly addictive media trivia, such as the pursuit of Clinton.   [Palo Alto]

ITEM
Two people inextricably linked. At the moment (see umfriend). [Anon]