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CABBAGE
A vegetable about as large and wise as a man's
head. [Ambrose
Bierce] CAESAREAN SECTION
A district
in Rome [Rural] CALAMITY
A misfortune to ourselves, or good fortune to others.
[Ambrose Bierce] CANNON
An instrument employed in
the rectification of national boundaries.
[Ambrose Bierce] CAR
The protective and aggressive
shell of urban and suburban man.
[Marshal McLuhan] CARDIOLOGY
Advanced study of poker
playing [Rural] CARPERPETUATION
The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least
a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it
back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
[Anon] CAT
A soft, indestructible automaton provided
by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.
[Ambrose Bierce] CATCH-22
The premise that concern
for one's own safety in the face of real and immediate danger is the process of
a rational mind.
[Joseph Heller] CATERPALLOR
The color you turn after
finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.
[Anon] CAT SCAN
Searching for ones lost kitty
[Rural] CAUTERIZE
Made eye contact with her
[Rural] CAVALIERS
Wrong but wromantic
(see Roundheads) [W.C.Sellar] CELEBRITY
A
person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses
to avoid being recognized. [Fred
Allen] CHAINSAW CONSULTANT
An outside expert brought
in to reduce the employee head count, leaving the brass with clean hands. [Anon] CHALFONTS
Haemorrhoids (Chalfont St Gyles = Piles).
[Rhyming] CHALK
Arm (Chalk Farm).
[Rhyming] CHANGE
An inevitability of life. Except
from a vending machine. [Anon] CHARISMA
The
power to convince without the use of logic. [Crisp] CHARM
If you have it, you don't need to have anything else; if you don't have it,
it doesn't much matter what else you have.
[J.M.Barrie] CHERLATAN
Older person pretending youth
through plastic surgery. [Indie]
CHESS
[1] A sport. A violent sport. [Marcel Duchamp 1887-1968]
[2]
The gymnasium of the mind. [Blaise Pascal] SURVIVAL CHIC
Fashion trend centered around survival/emergency gear.
[Palo Alto] CHICKEN
Young gay man with little sense.
Popular for other reasons . [Queen's]
CHILDHOOD
The period of human life intermediate
between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth -- two removes from the sin
of manhood and three from the remorse of age.
[Ambrose Bierce] CHINA
[1] A big country, inhabited
by many Chinese.
[Charles de Gaulle]
[2] Pal, friend (China Plate = Mate).
[Rhyming] CIRCUMVENT:
The opening in the front of boxer shorts.
[Anon] CLAIRVOYANT
One who has the power of seeing
that which is invisible to another, namely, that he is a blockhead.
[Ambrose Bierce] PLASTIC CLOSET
Location
of one who refuses to admit to cosmetic surgery.
[Palo Alto] CLOT
See Dork
[Anon] CLUBBING
What Canadians do to baby seals,
and teenagers do with each other.
[Miles Kington] COBBLERS
Balls! Testicles! (Cobblers
Awls). [Rhyming] COBOT
Collaborative robots designed to work alongside human operators, without causing
as much damage. [Palo Alto]
COCKLESSHELL
Crustacean sex life.
[Indie] COFFEE:
A person who is coughed upon.[Anon]
COLIC
A sheep dog.
[Rural] COMA
A punctuation mark.
[Rural] COMEDY
Tragedy plus Time.
[James Thurber] COMMITTEE
[1] A group that keeps
minutes and loses hours.
[Milton Berle]
[2] Cul de sac down which good ideas are taken and
quietly strangled. [Sir
Barnet Cocks] COMMONSENSE
The collection of predjudices by
age 18 [Albert
Einstein] COMMUNISM
Like prohibition, a good idea
which won't work.
[Will Rogers] COMPUTER
A device that lets you make more mistakes
faster than any invention in human history, with the possible exceptions of handguns
and tequila. [Anon] CONDIDATE
One who deceives to win [Maisie Langrick] CONFIDENCE
The feeling you have before you understand the situation.
[Anon] CONGENITAL
Friendly.
[Rural] CONGRATULATION
The civility of envy.
[Ambrose Bierce] CONGRESSMEN
Men who never open their mouths
without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge [Thomas
B. Reed] CONNIPTION
Fit of anxiety or hysteria;
"I'm comin'!! Don't have a conniption!".
[Coal-Speak] CONNOISSEUR
A specialist who knows
everything about something and nothing about anything else.
[Ambrose Bierce] CONSCIENCE
The inner voice that warns us
that someone may be looking [H.L.Mencken]
CONSENSUS
An agreement to say collectively what no one
believes individually.
[Abba Eban] CONSERVATIVE
One who believes that nothing
should be done for the first time.
[Anon] CONSULT
To seek another's disapproval of
a course already decided on.
[Ambrose Bierce] CONTRACEPTIVE
Item for use on all conceivable
occasions. [Anon] CORPORATION
An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.
[Ambrose
Bierce] CORTIZONE
The local courthouse
[Rural] COURAGE
The first of human qualities because it is
the quality that guarantees all the others.
[Sir Winston Churchill] CREATIVITY
No substitute
for knowing what you're doing. [Anon]
CREDULITY
A man's weakness, but a child's strength
[Charles Lamb] CREWGASM
Orgy in a large boat (see oargasm).
[Anon] CRITIC
One who knows the way, but cannot drive the car [Ken
Tynan] . CUMSHAW
Unofficial trading, begging, bartering,
or stealing from other branches of the service
[U.S.Nam] CYBERCODGER
Online pensioner.
[Anon] CYNIC
[1] A blackguard whose faulty vision
sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.
[Ambrose Bierce]
[2] One who knows the price of everything and the value
of nothing.
[Oscar Wilde] | 
