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ABDICATE:
to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. [Anon]
ABSCOND:
To "move in a mysterious way," commonly
with the property of another.
[Ambrose Bierce] ABSENTEE
A missing golfing
accessory. [Anon] ABSTAINER
A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
[Ambrose
Bierce] ABSURDITY
A statement or belief manifestly
inconsistent with one's own opinion.
[Ambrose Bierce] ABUNDANCE
A local hop usually staged
in the barn. [Anon] ACADEME
An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught.
[Ambrose Bierce] ACADEMY
[from ACADEME] A modern
school where football is taught.
[Ambrose Bierce] ACCORDIONATED
Being able to drive
and refold a road map at the same time.
[Anon] ACHIEVEMENT
The death of endeavor and the
birth of disgust.
[Ambrose Bierce] ACKNOWLEDGE
To confess. Acknowledgement
of one another's faults is the highest duty imposed by our love of truth.
[Ambrose Bierce]
ACME
Pimples on the face running towards the top.
[Anon] ACQUAINTANCE
A person known well enough to
borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
[Ambrose Bierce] ACTUALLY
Perhaps; possibly.
[Ambrose Bierce] ADAM AND EVE
Believe; "Would you
Adam and Eve it?" [Rhyming]
ADAMANT
The very first insect.
[Anon] ADDENDUMB
What lawyers add to contracts to mess up a
perfectly good working relationship. [Dan Ferber] ADHERENT
A follower who has not yet obtained all that he expects to get.
[Ambrose Bierce] ADMIRATION
Our polite recognition
of another's resemblance to ourselves.
[Ambrose Bierce] ADMONITION
Gentle reproof, as with
a meat-axe.
[Ambrose Bierce] ADORN
What comes after the darkest
hour. [Anon] ADULT
1. A child who has realised there is a right not only to be right, but also
to be wrong.
[Thomas Szasz]
2. A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is
now growing in the middle. [Anon]
ADVERTISEMENT
Something that makes you think you've
longed for it for years, but never heard of it before.
[Anon] ADVERTISEMENTS
Indicators of the ideals of
a nation. [Norman
Douglas] ADVERTISING
The science of arresting intelligence
long enough to make money from it. [Stephen
Leacock] ADVICE
What we seek when we know the answer, but wish
we didn't. [Erica
Jong] AFFIANCED
Fitted with an ankle-ring for the
ball-and-chain.
[Ambrose Bierce] AFFLUENZA
Possession overload;
epidemic consumerism. [Palo Alto]
AFTERLATER
Later
[Coal-Speak] AGE
A high price to pay for maturity.
[Anon] ALCOHOLISM
The only disease that tells you that you
haven't got it [Kevin Kennedy] ALONE
In bad company.
[Ambrose
Bierce] ALIMONY
A mistake by two people paid for
by one. [Anon] ALPHABET
Not quite the complete wager.
[Anon] AMBASSADOR
An honest man, sent abroad to
lie abroad for the good of his country.
[Henry Wotton] AMBITION
[1] A poor excuse for not
having sense enough to be lazy. [Anon]
[2] An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and
made ridiculous by friends when dead.
[Ambrose Bierce]
[3] Avarice, on stilts and masked.
[Landor] AMERICA
Where everything goes
and nothing matters (see Europe) [Philip
Roth] ANACRONYM
Acronym so old that no one knows what
it stands for anymore. [Palo Alto]
ANARCHIST
The Devil himself in human form.
[Rural] ANECDATA
A rumor so good that it must be true. [HUD]
ANECDOTAGE
The state that signals time to retire from
the world.
[Benjamin Disraeli] ANGER
One of the
sinews of the soul. [Thomas
Fuller] ANORAK
See barmpot.
[Anon] ANTIBODY
Against everyone
[Rural] ANTICIPOINTMENT
The feeling you get when
you finally see an overhyped movie and it sucks.
[Palo Alto] ANTI-FREEZE
When you don't talk to your
uncle's wife. [Anon] APPEAL
In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw.
[Ambrose Bierce] APPEASER
One who feeds a crocodile,
hoping it will eat him last.
[Sir Winston Churchill] APOLOGIZE
To lay the foundation
for a future offence.
[Ambrose Bierce] AQUADEXTROUS
Possessing the ability
to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.
[Anon] AQUALIBRIUM
The point at which the drinking
fountain water is at its perfect height, thus relieving the drinker from (a) having
to suck the nozzle, or (b) squirting himself in the eye.
[Anon] ARISTOCRACY
Government
by the badly educated (see democracy).
[G.K.Chesterton]
AROMATIC
An automatic longbow.
[Anon] ARROGANCE
A highly under-appreciated character trait.
[Sting] ARROGANT
Positively motivated through mental visualization.
[Anon] ART
The most intense form of individualism
that the world has known
[Oscar Wilde] ARTERY
The study of painting
[Rural] ARTFUL
A painting exhibition.
[Anon] ASSASSINATION
The extreme form of censorship
[George Bernard
Shaw] ASSMOSIS
A relationship with the boss that
allows success without excessive effort
[Palo Alto] ATHEISM
A non-prophet organisation
[Anon] ATTITUDE
Poor substitute for style .
[Queen's] ATTRACTION
The act of associating lust
with a particular person. [Anon]
AUTHORITY
A stubborn bear, often led by the nose
with gold
[William Shakespeare] AUTOBIOGRAPHY
The car's logbook.
[Anon] AVAIL
Helpful for ugly women.
[Anon] AWESTRUCK
Being hit with a paddle.
[Rural] AWETIOUS
Cute
or attractive, in a bunny-rabbit sort of way. [MotoZulli]
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